


Not by Half

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-23
Updated: 2006-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:35:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8729164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: "Jensen's first thought when he saw a picture of Jared was: Huh. Pretty. Jared had long eyelashes and a perfect mouth and that stupid flippy hair. His eyes were slanted like a cat, and when he was excited or embarrassed or worked up about something, Jared's skin would flush pink and gold like a goddamn girl. Jensen knew all this, but still wasn't worried; Jared was so far from Jensen's type he didn't think twice about him."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title** \- Not by Half  
**Pairing** \- JA/JP  
**Rating** \- NC17  
**Word Count** \- 2600  
  
  
  
  
  
_**Not By Half**_  
  
  
  
Jensen has a lot of rules in his life. Don't get too close to people - anybody at all - because no one can be trusted in the long run. People prove that time and time again. Don't show too much emotion about anything; when you're happy or disappointed or pissed as hell, because then people can figure out how to get to you, what works and what doesn't, and no one should have an upper hand like that. No one at all.   
  
Be careful who you're friends with. The company you keep can move you up or bring you down. Hollywood is nice, the glitz and glamour fun sometimes, but at the end of the day it's just yourself you have to deal with, your actions the only one you should be associated with and responsible for. Other people can't be trusted, not really, and letting yourself believe that they can, even for a minute, can cause more aggravation and bullshit than it's worth.   
  
Which is why, when him and Jared start fucking around, Jensen thinks he's officially lost his mind.   
  
*  
  
Jensen's first thought when he saw a picture of Jared was: _Huh. Pretty._ Jared had long eyelashes and a perfect mouth and that stupid flippy hair. His eyes were slanted like a cat, and when he was excited or embarrassed or worked up about something, Jared's skin would flush pink and gold like a goddamn girl. Jensen knew all this, but still wasn't worried; Jared was so far from Jensen's type he didn't think twice about him.   
  
The thing about Jared is he's genuinely a _nice_ guy, no bullshit. He tells the truth and laughs like he means it, and Jensen never feels older, more jaded and bitter than when he's standing around at some press event thinking the worst about everybody, while Jared's off telling jokes and being everybody's best friend. Jensen doesn't know how Jared can stand it.   
  
He notices Jared watching him - Jensen's not blind or stupid - but he doesn't think it means anything; people have crushes on him all the time. Jared's his co-star, plus he has a girlfriend. Nothing is going to happen.   
  
Which is why Jensen is shocked speechless when they share a car home after the bar one night, and Jared tells the driver that he's getting out at Jensen's too.  
  
The car door is already open, and Jensen blinks at Jared in the low light. Licks his lips and says, "You sure?" because who's kidding who - they both know what this means.   
  
Jared nods, smiles, and says, "Hell yeah," and that's that.   
  
They don't even make it to the bed. The door is barely closed when Jensen twists his fingers in that too-long hair and pushes Jared against the wall behind the front door to kiss him. Jared's bigger than he is, which is weird at first and stupidly hot after Jensen thinks about it for a minute.   
  
Jared kisses him back, eats into his mouth, grabbing at Jensen's shoulder with his huge hands and rides against Jensen's thigh until he's cross-eyed and coming in his jeans right there in Jensen's living room. Jensen would tease him - call him a two pump chump or something just as classy - but he's too busy pulling his jeans down and jacking himself off, hard and fast, until he comes all over Jared's dark red t-shirt. Jensen lifts his head and kisses Jared, deep and slow, as he wipes his fingers through the mess on Jared's shirt and presses his hand against Jared's belly. There will be time to tease Jared later.   
  
Jared's smiling at him, slow and lazy, and Jensen licks the side of Jared's neck, gently pulling on his skin with his teeth. He didn't even realize that he wanted this, but now that he has it he wants everything. He wants Jared, wants to see him; wants to take Jared to his bedroom and lay him out naked on the bed. He wants Jared hard again, arching up under Jensen's hands, begging Jensen to fuck him, touch him right there, or there - no, god, wait, yeah, right-  
  
And it makes no sense, and it's nothing that Jensen should want, but he does, is the thing, so he pulls Jared to his bedroom and does it all anyway.   
  
*  
  
Jared's not Jensen's type. He's too friendly, too nice. He likes everybody and doesn't seem to mind that Jensen doesn't. Jared's too good of a guy and Jensen's going to fuck it up somehow, which is the part that pisses Jensen off the most. He never wanted this to _be_ something fuck-up-able. He has no idea how that happened.   
  
All Jensen knows is he woke up one day and him and Jared had gone from drunken blowjobs in their trailers, to Jared bringing over Chinese and a DVD on their nights off, to Jensen hearing from Tom, of all people, that Jared and Sandy split up.  
  
"What?" Jensen was sure Tom had to be wrong, though, if there was one thing Tom was good at it was spreading gossip like a little bitch.   
  
"That's what I heard, man." A brief pause and then Tom's voice saying, "So, hey. How long do you think I should wait to-"  
  
Jensen can't even follow him. All he's thinking is, _Jared broke up with Sandy? What? Why?_ so it takes him a minute to realize that Tom's asking when he can _hit_ on her.  
  
"You're a dog," Jensen tells him. "I gotta go."  
  
He hangs up the phone and drives to Jared's.   
  
*  
  
The dogs jump all over Jensen when Jared answers the door. He scratches them behind the ears, but god knows what expression is on his face, because Jared's smile goes from blinding to half-mast by the time Jensen straightens.   
  
"What?" Jared asks. He closes the door behind him and Jensen makes himself look away while he talks. He can't concentrate with Jared standing there in a pair of old sweatpants and a thin, ripped, undershirt. It's distracting to realize he knows exactly what Jared tastes like, now. How warm the skin over Jared's hipbone feels against his mouth and fingers.   
  
Jensen clears his throat. "I heard you broke up with Sandy."  
  
He stares at the Dallas Stars blanket thrown on the floor next to the couch. The empty Mountain Dew bottle on a bunch of napkins on the coffee table. When Jared says yeah, Jensen just nods.   
  
"It doesn't have to change anything," Jensen hears Jared say.   
  
"Right." Jensen hates the way his voice sounds. Hates the way it feels like he's sinking his fingers into the words and pulling them out just to answer him.   
  
Mostly, though, Jensen hates that when Jared said it didn't have to change anything, Jensen's first thought was, _why not_?  
  
Jared touches Jensen's coat sleeve. Jensen looks up, and Jared's standing there, watching him, quiet as night. "Do you want it to?" he asks.   
  
And because Jensen doesn't lie to Jared, he says, truthfully, "I don't know."  
  
*  
  
Jared has a California King that Jensen makes fun of whenever he stays over. He tells Jared that he's too tall to be human, no one should have to get a super sized bed to accommodate their freakishly long arms and legs. Jared just laughs, tells Jensen that he's just jealous that Jared can kick his ass and outrun him in a footrace any day of the week. Jensen's not so sure about that, but usually by that point he's too tired to argue anymore.   
  
Tonight, he's happy for the extra room. Tonight is different.   
  
Jensen wants to lay Jared down. Take his time with his hands and mouth. He wants Jared to feel this - everything that Jensen feels, everything that he never expected - and then he wants Jared to show him right back.   
  
Their clothes are scattered across the floor of the room, and the door is closed against curious, wandering dogs. The only light is burning from the small lamp on the dresser across the room, and Jensen thinks that Jared looks almost inhumanly perfect like this; all sculpted muscle, smooth skin and shadow.   
  
He runs the palm of his hand over Jared's chest, down his ribcage. Jared sucks in a breath and arches against Jensen's hand, and Jensen smiles, loving the feel of skin under his hand. "So fucking pretty," Jensen murmurs. Jared's eyes go dark and the tip of a wet, pink tongue pokes out from between his lips. "Never seen anyone so pretty as you."  
  
"Jensen, man," Jared gasps. Just as he's over Jared's dick, Jensen pulls his hand back up, smiling a little as Jared's quiet whimper.   
  
He buries his face against Jared's neck. Jared's hair is soft and tickles Jensen's nose. He lifts his head and touches the moles on Jared's face with his thumbs. Traces the bumps with his fingers, and then follows with his tongue before dipping his head and kissing Jared's mouth.   
  
Jared's lips are wet; Jensen presses on Jared's bottom lip with his thumb and fucks his mouth with his tongue, wanting Jared to see, to feel. There's a steady loop playing through Jensen's mind: _This is what I want to do to you, I want you like this, only this_ , and he doesn't realize he's pulling away and saying it until Jared's eyes flutter closed.   
  
"Yeah," Jared says. He blinks hazy eyes at Jensen and says again, "Yeah, okay."  
  
*  
  
Jared is facing the headboard, the backs of his thighs pressed against Jensen's front. Jensen can see the sweat coating his back, the way his hair is sticky and damp against his skin. He has two fingers, slick and pressed inside Jared, and is sliding in a third, when Jared shivers and bucks against his hand, his fingers twisting in the sheets.   
  
"That," Jared gasps. "Do that again."  
  
Jensen slows his movements, watches the skin of Jared's hip turn pink and white under his other hand where Jensen's digging his fingers into Jared's skin. He wants to stay here all night, fucking Jared slow with his hand and mouth. Turning Jared inside out, making him feel everything, the way he made Jensen feel things without even realizing it.   
  
Jensen never wanted this, was never looking for it. Jared is everything Jensen tries to stay away from in every instance; friends, co-workers, lovers, but with him, there was never a question. Never a conscious thought that this was what he was going to do, and Jared was going to be a part of it. Jared just put himself there, _made_ himself part of Jensen's life until the point where Jensen can't imagine not having him in it, and he doesn't know whether that impresses him or pisses him off. No one's gotten under Jensen's skin like this before.   
  
Jensen wants everything, everything Jared can give him. Three fingers now and Jared's bucking back, twisting his hips and reaching around for Jensen's thigh, pulling him in closer.   
  
"Now, now," Jared's gasping, but Jensen's not done. He watches the slow push and glide of his fingers in Jared's body, spreads his hand wide, feels his heart clench when Jared shakes and moans.   
  
Jared's tight around him. Jensen leans down and covers his back until they're close enough for him to bite at Jared's jaw. He traces the stubble there and licks up to Jared's ear. "Now?" Jensen whispers.   
  
"Yeah. 'M'ready." The back of Jared's neck is flushed pink and hot to the touch.   
  
They've never done this. Everything but, but never this. Jensen pulls his hand back, slicks up his cock, and presses against Jared, smoothing the hair back from his neck with his other hand. This means something, this means _everything_ , and when Jensen pushes against him, sliding in with short pushes and long breaths, he wants Jared to know that.   
  
"Come on, baby," Jensen murmurs. His face is pressed against the back of his neck, blowing hot against Jared's ear. "Breathe deep. Relax. Let me-"  
  
"Fuck, Jensen, it's so fucking-"  
  
"I know, I know." He smoothes a hand down Jared's sweaty flank. Reaches around to find Jared half-hard, working his dick in slow, awkward thrusts. "Here. Lemme do that."  
  
Jared drops his head down and his hand falls away. Jensen bites at his shoulder and fists his cock, still sliding in slowly until he's as far as he can go, and then he stops.   
  
"Okay?" Jensen wants to be sure. It's not too late to-  
  
"Yeah. 'M'good. Just-" he hisses through his teeth as Jensen moves a little, sliding his dick out then back in. "God, that. Do that again."  
  
Jensen chuckles low. Jared's dick is getting thicker and longer in his hand. He drags his thumb over the head, and Jared pushes up, cursing deep and fucking back onto Jensen's dick in the same breath.   
  
"So good, baby," Jensen croons. His hand is still, letting Jared fuck his fist as hard and fast as he wants, and with the other hand Jensen pushes the hair off Jared's face and leans over to try and awkwardly kiss the side of his mouth. "This is so good, you and me," Jensen says. He kisses Jared's jaw, his ear, the side of his throat, and says everything he's wanted to say but kept bottled in for all these months. Jensen barely even knew he felt this way, until it was staring him right in the face. "I want this, Jared. I want this with you."  
  
Jared stills, and Jensen keeps fucking him as he comes with a cry, his fingers twisting with Jensen's around his cock, wringing every last pulse from his body.   
  
Jensen can't tell what he's hearing, until he realizes that it's Jared _laughing_. His hips stutter for a second. "What?"   
  
Jared laughs and says, "Nothing. You just better not forget all this when we're done."  
  
And it's funny, because it's true, but part of Jensen breaks that Jared even had to ask. That he even thought that Jensen would forget. He buries his face against the back of Jared's neck, and fucks him until he's spent, body wrung out and boneless, and they're curled together in the twisted, messy sheets.   
  
*  
  
They're lying in bed and Jared's been watching him for a while, not saying anything, just tracing his fingers up and down Jensen's chest. Jensen's been staring at the ceiling, not knowing how to say anything he's thinking without sounding like a complete tool.   
  
"I broke up with Sandy for this," Jared finally says, breaking the silence.   
  
Jensen stiffens before he says, "I know." Jared's fingers stop moving just over Jensen's heart. "I don't do this," Jensen quietly tells him.   
  
Jared waits a beat, then nods. "I know."  
  
This isn't what Jensen does, what he knows. It's so far from it, Jensen doesn't have a clue where to start. There's more than half a chance that he could fuck this up so fantastically Jared will never speak to him again. Jensen could lose everything. That's what something like this does to you. That's why Jensen's never let it happen before.   
  
He looks down into Jared's face where he's lying against Jensen's arm. "I really do want this, Jared," he tells him.   
  
Jared's smile, when it comes, is brighter than the sun. "Okay." His voice is thick and deep. He clears his throat and tells Jensen, "It's yours."  
  
"Okay," Jensen whispers, and he smiles, because even though he's never done this before, it doesn't much matter. Maybe he can do it just fine. Maybe he's just been waiting for Jared.   
  
  
-end-


End file.
